The EU Referendum

The postman delivered a load of rubbish this week, including a letter from HM Government about voting in the European Rufferendum.

Labrador Ozy with Passport

Me with my passport

Supposedly this booklet cost £9M (that’s an awful lot of Bonios) and its purpose is to let people know wot they should think. This seems a little bit Orwellian if you ask me, but that nice Mr Cameron thinks it is a good idea to stay in the EU.

So wot should us dogs think?

I travel to Europe regularly on holiday and like meeting other dogs (as long as they don’t bite me like a French dog did once). I do not, however, like foreign vets very much.

So, I have given Ian nine of my dog biscuits and have asked him to produce a simple guide that dogs (even Afghan Hounds) can understand.

Click on the picture below to read or follow this link: http://www.flipsnack.com/9EDEB697C6F/labrador-dog-view-on-the-european-referendum.html

Labrador view on EU referendum

Click above to view brochure

If you want to discuss wot the EU means please come to see me at The Old Cider House – the UK’s most dog friendly guesthouse.

Ozy

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Offshore Biscuit Haven

After a great deal of pressure, I feel that I need to clear up the issue of whether I have taken advantage of an offshore company to avoid paying tax.

As you are aware, I have always been open and transparent about my tax affairs and even published my tax return a few years ago SEE BLOG HERE.

Offshore kibble account.

Me with the £20 I saved by putting my kibble offshore.

I have never heard of to Mossack Fonseca (sounds like a pedigree dog to me) and the only Bahamas I know of are those yellow fruit wot Ian sometimes gives to me as a treat.

I do however, keep my biscuits in the laundry room. This is for safe keeping and nothing to do with saving money – it’s just a biscuit efficient location.

Ian buys the biscuits out of taxed income from the pet shop and transfers them into a biscuit efficient vessel. This is purely to keep them dry and crisp and nothing to do with tax. The biscuits are then kept in the laundry room until they are required by me on walks and stuff. I ask Ian for the biscuits and he opens the biscuit efficient vessel and takes out a handful and puts them in his pocket. He then transfers these biscuits into his other pocket leaving a few to avoid incurring any Canine Gains Tax (CGT). The rest are declared to me as and when required. Any biscuits that are left are returned to the biscuit efficient vessel and accounted for by creating Bearer Bones.

Chews are however treated differently.  I operate a Flexible Chewing Structure whereby I get Ian to take the chews down the pub and then eat those treats supplied by the pub. My chews can then be returned to the laundry room and used again at a later date. This is a double entry system used by many dogs and whilst morally suspect I am a dog and have no morals.

I hope this has cleared things up.

Ozy – store your biscuits with me here at The Old Cider House and I won’t tell anyone!

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Ozy on Drugs

Next month I will be thirteen and, according to the Pedigree dog age calculator I shall be 96 in human years. This is worrying for two reasons. Firstly, 96 is reely old and secondly the Pedigree dog age calculator doesn’t have a human equivalent for fourteen years – perhaps they are trying to tell me something!

As I am getting on a bit Ian took me to the vets yesterday for my annual MOT.

I do not like the vets. It’s full of sick dogs and cats and the vet smells funny. It’s the same abroad and French and German vets smell the same – ‘funny’.

Wotever, the vet said that I was very fit with just a few lumps and bumps and very slim – however, I could do with sum drugs.

Now I am usually very anti drugs – I have seen how they have ruined dogs’ lives; dogs hooked on caninebis and cockercaine. Just look at any farm collie wot is completely mad because of eating too much cow poo wot is full of antibiotics. Then there are the dangers of LSD – large stupid dogs.

However, the drugs wot the funny smelling vet gave me are not hard drugs they are for making your back legs work better. It’s got stuff like glucosamine and vitamins in it. The only problem is that it tastes DISGUSTING! So I spit out the capsules or try to leave the bits of food that Ian has sprinkled the stuff on.

Ian has also got a bad taste in his mouth – the vet’s bill woz £93.

See my video below or CLICK HERE

So until next time – keep well and don’t forget to visit me at The Old Cider House.

Ozy

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NEW YEAR DIET

Ian has decided we all need to go on a diet.

Well, actually, Ian needs to go on a diet as he spent most of the Christmas and New Year period in the pub with his mates and Uncle Biscuit drinking loads of Stowey Ale beer!

So I have been doing a bit of research to find out wot diet would be good for a Labrador:

16.01.03 Ozy Diet

I’ve fainted with hunger already!

WeightWatchers

This is based on a points’ system. No foods are banned and you daily and weekly ‘Smartpoints®’ and ‘Fitpoints’. For example, my normal kibble would be my daily allowance and I could have some Bonios each week with some chews. The Fitpoints are easy as I go on a walk every day. This looks like it might be a good thing to go on as it’s what I normally do.

Slim-Fast

This replaces two meals with a milkshake and then I can have a sensible meal in the evenings. Some snacks are allowed. However, the real drawback is that one of the shake flavours is chocolate and dogs must NEVER eat chocolate. Probably not good for dogs.

Cabbage Soup

This is where you eat cabbage soup. HORRIBLE

New Atkins

This involves staving the body of carbohydrates. It’s protein-rich diet with no restrictions on fat. This sounds FANTASTIC. I can go without biscuits and just eat meat.

5:2 Fast Diet

This is where you can eat as much as you like on five days but on two days you have to eat less. This sometimes happens when Ian forgets to feed me. It sounds like it might be alright, but one of the side-effects is bad breath – WOT am I talking about, I’ve always got bad breath!

NHS weight loss plan

This is really boring. Wot you do is just eat less and move more. However, it’s wot most diets are.

So all in all I prefer the Atkins diet – but first I must work out my BMI (Body Mass Index). To do this I need to take my weight and height and Ian pushes some buttons on his little machine and …. WHAT THE …

16.01.03 Ozy BMI

Ozy the Labrador

To come and stay with me at the UK’s most dog friendly guesthouse call 01278 732228 or e-mail woofwoof@theoldciderhouse.co.uk

 

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As you are aware a few months ago some of our guests wot come all the time wrote a letter to the Kennel Club to say we were reely dog friendly here at The Old Cider House. We then had to get people to vote for us; so I got Ian to send stuff out on the e-mail and Twitter and Snoutbook and wotever and we crossed our paws and hoped that we would win.

Last week Lynne got a call from the Kennel Club to say that we had got the most votes in our category and we had won the bestest B&B/Hotel. This is fantastic. We got 1,836 votes wot was 11% of the total votes cast.

On Saturday I sent Alan and Glenny together with Uncle and Auntie Biscuit AND Barky Harvey up to the Excel Centre in London to be presented with my prize (sorry OUR) prize; a bit of glass with some words on it.

I would like to thank all those people wot voted for us and Ian has said that all dogs visiting up until Easter next year can come and stay for free. You just have to tell him that you’ve read this blog when booking.

I hope to see you all in the next year at the UK’s most dog friendly guesthouse.

Luv, Ozy

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Vote for Ozy at Most Friendly B&B

Be Dog Friendly Awards 2015

Vote for The Old Cider House

Vote for The Old Cider House

In 2008 The Old Cider House was voted the most dog friendly B&B in the UK by the Kennel Club. This is mainly because of me greeting all the dogs wot come and stay with us to make sure they have a good time and stuff.

Ian and Lynne do their bit as well; giving all dog guests home-made dog biscuits, a booklet of walks and stuff, a tag (mainly so the owners can get delivered back to us after a night out at one of the three dog friendly pubs in the village) AND a sausage breakfast. The sausage breakfast is a bit of a bone of contention as I do not get one and I don’t think this is fair. Ian’s response is that he doesn’t have cooked breakfast in the morning. Not much of an argument I think!

VOTE FOR ME PLEASE

“Please Sir, Can I have some more votes?”

This year one of our reely nice guests has nominated us again and wot I need you to do is to vote for The Old Cider House by clicking this BE DOG FRIENDLY link. I think it is important that there are loads of places around the UK wot allow me and other dogs to stay. Mostly dogs are well behaved (although some of the owners are a bit suspect) and it is important to convince accommodation providers to let people stay with their dogs.

I have also been entered into the Brakspear’s dogs in pubs completion. You don’t have to vote for this one, but you can see my reely good photo at www.brakspear.co.uk/woof – I’m in the fourth line down.

Ian has now finished his book and so I should be able to blog more regularly now – in fact my next blog will be about the book as I appear in it and on the back cover!

So, until next time…

Luv, Ozy

The Old Cider House, Dog Friendly B&B, Somerset

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Hannah’s Sweets

I have just done my Maths DCSE (Dog Certificate of Secondary Education). Blinking Nora, it woz difficult. One of the questions woz nearly impossible to answer.

ROVER’S BISCUITS

Rover has a number of biscuits, six black kennel-shaped biscuits and an unidentified number of orange fish-shaped ones. Overall he has ‘N’ biscuits.

Rover eats one of the biscuits – it’s black. He then eats another biscuit, this is also black.

The probability of him eating these two black biscuits is a third.

How many biscuits will be left?

I sat for a long time pondering this question. Finally I used the following formula to work it out:

N = 6 (black) + N-6 (orange) – 1 x black = N-6-1 (black) = 0

Therefore there are zero biscuits left.

Wen I got home I asked Ian to carry out a practical experiment to prove this and he did a video of me…


If you are having difficulty with your maths, come to The Old Cider House, Dog Friendly B&B.

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