I have received a number of e-mails concerning Liam Fox and my relationship with my good friend Ian, especially since the Sir Gus O’Doggel report has been published. I have no idea who Mr Ferrety is – is he like one of those animals on the TV that compare the market dot com?
First, I want to make it absolutely clear that neither me nor Dr Fox woz the person that did the Pepsi Chart Show. I have no idea wot Pepsi is (or a chart show for that matter). Ian said it is a fizzy drink. I don’t like fizzy drinks as the bubbles go up my nose, although I am allowed a little slurp of champagne at Christmas in my bowl if it has been de-gassed (champagne, not bowl).
A number of people have noticed that Ian accompanies me most of the time both on trips at home and abroad. In an attempt to clarify the issue, Ian is an unpaid advisor. He has accompanied me on 37 occasions to the Rose and Crown this year together with a number of other pubs in Nether Stowey. Ian has accompanied me abroad on 8 occasions. At no time woz he privy to any of my thoughts or any matters of canine security.
I do live rent free at Ian’s house and he feeds me. At no time did the cost of these ‘accommodations’ come out of the public purse – they all came out of Lynne’s purse. All my biscuits were earned for work undertaken in house at the National Minimum Biscuit Rate, save for those provided by the local pubs (Charles, Bill and Rob for who I carry out some minor public relations tasks). The basket swapping woz only because I sometimes use a different bed when I am on holiday and has nothing to do with blanketmentary expenses. As you are well aware I am no longer allowed near any more duck houses!
I hope that this clarifies the issues and that the press will stop hounding me.
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Want a place to stay next week during half term? What about The Old Cider House?