Dear Father Christmas,
I am not quire sure who you are as I’ve only barked at you out of the window when you come round just before Christmas collecting for charity (having sed that you remind me very much of Chris Flay our local plumber) Wotever, Ian sed I should write to you with my Christmas present list. Ian sed you come to my house on Christmas morning with your raindear. Assuming these are like dirty big horses with horns, then I suggest that you leave these in Castle Street and do not bring them into the house. I will know when you are due to arrive as I have a Markies Mini advent calendar. This has a little biscuit (probably really for puppies) for each day of December up to Christmas and a flashing tag for Christmas day itself – sounds FANTASTIC!
I have been onto various websites (mainly Pets at Home it has to be sed) and I now have an idea of wot I want this year. Firstly, I like quite a bit of wrapping – this is the best bit about presents (except if they are food when the wrapping is a bit of a hindrance). Please don’t use too much sellotape as I have trouble getting the stuff off my fur and pors and the glue tastes nasty. Cheap paper is fine as the metallic stuff makes my teeth go all funny.
The best presents are food. Last year I got a Good Boy Christmas Multi Pack (I’ve attached a link so you can see wot it luks like) wot was quite nice and I wouldn’t mind another one of these. I also like all biscuits and most chews, although I am going off those really big ones. I quite like the hide chews in the shape of a ball filled with stuff that makes a mess on the carpet – so if you had one of these on your sley I wouldn’t say no.
I have plenty of toys, but I woz quite taken with Milky the Bunny (£44.99 from Amazon) until I found out that it wozn’t a real rabbit. – although it pretends to be by making ‘rabbit sounds’ and snores wen it’s asleep (I’d rip its ears off!). And then there’s Doggie Doo (see video below). Here’s the description; ‘Players throw the dice to determine how often they squeeze the dachshund’s lead. Each squeeze pushes the plasticine poop nearer to fruition and when the deed is done, players scoop the poop. Not only brilliant fun then, it also teaches responsible pet ownership‘. Wot will they think of next? If you want, you can play ‘Labrador Logs‘ by searching for my poos in the garden – same amount of fun and you get some fresh air!Well then Father Christmas – that’s probably enough to be getting on with. I’ll see you in 4 weeks’ time – if I can wait that long.
Luv Ozy, The Old Cider House, Nether Stowey
P.S. I’m very sorry about eating the mince pies left out for you last year. How woz I supposed to know they weren’t for me. Things on the floor, in my opinion, are fair game. This year Lynne sez she’ll put them on the mantelpiece with a bit of clingfilm over them.
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