I have been feeling a bit under the weather this week this week, so much so that I woz taken to the vets on Thursday (after frantically trying to get the paint off my head so the Vet wouldn’t think I woz being abused – Ian’s painting the Stowey Room bathroom). Evidently I have got a bit of an infection. This was cured, almost instantaneously, by paying £50 to the Vet – it’s as if I wozn’t ill at all now, even before taking the antibiotics. Luckily I didn’t have to go to the vets on Sunday as they can be a little too free with the needle at weekends according to a new survey, with a 16% increase in… you know what (Sky News).
I see William and Catherine (posh people wot got married last year) have got a dog. It’s a Cocker Spaniel – good luck to them, them dogs are bonkers!(Daily Mail) Unfortunately, I am not allowed to tell you wot it’s called because it’s a ‘private’ matter. This seems to be a bit of a flawed policy to me, coz at some stage the dog will be outside and Will or Kate or one of their servants (they’ll probably have a special poo butler) will have to call the dog. Wot are they going to shout? “Come back [name of dog*] and if anyone hears wot it is called we’ll take out a super injunction against you”. I hardly respond to “Ozy, sit” let alone a sentence with the word ‘super injunction’ in it! Supposedly, according to the Daily Mail (must be true then), the dog was bred by Kate’s mother, Carole. Perhaps I’m reading that wrong. And then William has been posted to the Falkland Islands. Who is going to look after the poor thing. I don’t like being left for a evening wen Ian and Lynne go to the pictures, let alone six weeks. William’s previous dog woz a very sensible, mature and clever breed (obviously not sired by the Middletons). Yes, you’re right – it was a black Labrador.
Sir Fred Goodwin has now had his award taken away from him. Bad Fred, bad. I am now quite anxious about my awards; I’ve got my golden bowl from the Kennel Club wen I won most dog friendly accommodation in 2008 and I have my number 87 tag from Pedigree Petfoods wot I got for supporting their adoption drive. However, Fred the Shred did lose £24 billion – having said that the fifty quid for my vets’ visit on Thursday seems to be on a par if Ian is to be believed – stop moaning. I’m worth it!
Wot else? Oh, John Terry has been told he can’t be captain of his football team coz he made an inter-breed remark. I’m not sure wot of the three words caused most offence, although the first and third do appear to be a bit rude. I’m not sure being black is a bad thing. I’m black – but I can’t do the first thing coz I’ve had my bits cut off and I’m a boy dog so don’t have the equipment for the third.
And finally, I don’t care how many times Ian asks me, I’m not going on one of those speed awareness courses for him. I hear Chris Huhne’s dog has been on a number. I’m sure now that when he approaches one of those big pink piggy banks the police park in lay-byes on straight bits of road with ludicrously slow speed limits he will slow down. I’ve updated my law4dogs site to include the Huhne-type offence. (If he’s acquitted then this is supposed to be a bit of satire – if that bald bloke from Private Eye can get away with it…)
Oh, and finally again, I’ve gone satirical on a more global scene. As Ian gave up beer for January (well nearly) I wrote a bit for NewBiscuit wot is a site for really stupid stuff about current affairs. Have a look by clicking here.
Bye for now. Remember, that assuming I don’t lose my coveted Golden Bowl, Ian and Lynne still run one of the dog friendliest guesthouses in the UK – The Old Cider House