Since you were able to explain the offside rule, I thought perhaps you could explain how the Universe started.
Professor Brian Cox, Manchester
Thank you Brain from Manchester.
I’ve been thinking a lot (and D:Reaming) about how the Universe started recently and have been carrying out a few experiments. In general it all started with the Big Bone. This was about 13.7 billion years ago. Now this is a bit confusing as, if there were no cows or other animals around at the time, then how could there have been a bone? Whatever – this is when all the bones were really hot and thick and expanded rapidly . Then the Universe got cooler and bits of the bone stuck together to make little bones. Our sun is one of those little bones, but you can’t eat it cos you will burn your tongue. Some people say that Dog created the Universe. But this theory falls down cos who created the Dog? I shall be discussing this further in a later blog with my good friend, Professor Richard Dawkins, in a blog called ‘The Dog Delusion’.
Shortly after the Big Bone some of the stuff wot got created got heavier when they passed through a field. I often get heavier when I pass through a field as fox poo and bits of dead badger tend to stick to my fur. I sometimes get heavier by the same weight as a rabbit. This is the Higgs field (not pigs field as they are DANGEROUS). The trouble is that no one has been able to prove wot happens wen the stuff created in the Big Bone goes through the field. So I have been experimenting to try and recreate a Higgs Bonio Particle.
Firstly, I needed to go very fast and so I got the chickens to build a Large Henrun Collider in the back garden. I then got Ian to throw a biscuit for me – this is known as Canine Experimentally Running Normally (CERN). Now if I run quick enough and get the biscuit then the biscuit might turn into the Higgs Bonio. Ian was ready with his camera and just managed to catch the Bonio as it went into my mouth (I think he was using ‘sports’ mode on his Kodak). The trouble with the HBP is that it very soon disappears into my subatomic tummy and is lost forever.
So, I believe that I have now proved the existence of the Higgs Bonio Particle, also known as the Dog Particle – I always have been a bit dyslexic.
Well Brain, I hope this has helped you. Remember, things can only get better from now on.
Remember, if you are into physics and stuff then I am happy to talk quantum theory at The Old Cider House, Dog Friendly Accommodation, Quantocks, Quantock Hills, Somerset