Job Application

My mate Dave the Paunch at Spicerack is looking for a designer. I have applied for the job:

Dear Mr The Paunch,

I think I have the skills wot you need for your job:

I have 2 years experience of most things. I can design things and often rearrange the toys in my basket. I am very particular where Derek the Rat goes and I often put him on the sofa.

You will be familiar with the digital scene and relish working with big brands.

I watch digital television (mainly programmes about zoos) and listen to the Archers on the digital radio in the kitchen (for the farm animal noises). I am very oh fay with the dog food brands – Eukanuba, I AMs etc and can spot a carton of Birds custard through brick walls.

You will be working as part of a small team, conceptualising, designing and producing creative executions for digital, mainly web-based, projects. You will be experienced in producing creative for a wide range of online media, especially display ads, rich media and emails.

I can’t quite picture wot you mean by conceptualising, but I am good at creative executions and often see off a rabbit by shaking it to death. Producing creative is something wot I am really good at – I think (not sure wot it means really).

There will be great scope for career development and growth for the right person.

The successful applicant should:

• be degree qualified in a graphics discipline I have a basic obedience certificate. Will that do?
• have at least 12 months’ experience of working at a digital agency –
I have been blogging and Tweeting for at least a year
• be adept in designing with Flash Actionscript and timeline animations – Yep, sounds like me
• be a team player and confident communicator –
For a Labrador I am quite gud at communicating.
• have a slick portfolio of highly creative and polished projects –
I have a portfolio of my sick.

Salary will be dependent on experience, but competitive. The successful candidate will also be offered free membership at our excellent on-site health club. I usually work at the National Minimum Biscuit rate of 6.08 biscuits an hour.

Please send a covering letter and CV to:

No recruitment agencies please.

Ozy the Labrador


About Blog Administrator

We write a number of blogs for different reasons. For: Law - contact Ian Pearson 07531 852 229 Dog - contact Ozy The Old Cider House - contact Lynne 01278 732228
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2 Responses to Job Application

  1. Dear Master Pearson,
    Thank you for you application for the role of Creative Executioner. Unfortunately, having considered your CV today, we feel you may be over-qualified. Also, whilst I am looking for someone eager to get on my lap, happy to lick me all over, and willing to do ANYTHING for biscuits, my concern is that you would find a way into the downstairs cafe’s walk-in fridge, which could potentially finish our business in the current economic climate.
    Yours sancerrely, D Porch, BA(Perv)

  2. Are you sure this is not discrimination on the grounds of my species? See

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