Ahoy there me hearties, It’s me Captain Ozy and I’ve been away on holiday to Cornwall – the home of the pirate (nice pirates not like those Somalian ones wot are really nasty). I thought we woz going on holiday as Ian had been surreptitiously packing a bag and looking at big bits of paper with lines all over them. I had therefore been camping out in the car, just in case they thought they were going without me. And then, guess wot? Alan and Glennys turned up – always a good sign.
We went to a place called St Mawgan and stayed on a farm with other animals – stupid ones like sheep and cows. This woz alright but the best bit woz it woz near the sea. So every day we walked to the beach and I went swimming – SMASHING! Ian and Lynne weren’t quite as enthusiastic about going into the water, but it woz lovely. Wot Ian and Lynne went for woz to eat. Now don’t get me wrong, I am as happy to eat as any other Labrador, but they wanted to go to this bloke’s restaurant called Mick Stine (or something like that) – guess wot? I wasn’t allowed to go in his restaurant – coz I’m only a dog! I woz, however, allowed to go into Mick’s pub and saw the Mick who stood right by me – HOW FAMOUS IS THAT?
(Mick used to have a dog called Chalky – but he is now only a beer – doesn’t make any sense to me either).
I woz also taken on a boat. I’m not sure about these. I am alright on those big things that go to France, but this woz a little one and you could see the water all around you. Luckily, it woz a very short journey and we weren’t attacked by pirates, although the £3 return fare did seem a bit steep. The boat took us to a place called Rock – home of Doom Bar bitter – Ian’s least favourite beer (don’t EVER get him started on this as he will go on and on and on about it being one of the worst beers ever made (along with Charles Wells’ Bombardier)).
All in all it woz not a bad holiday. Lots of swimming and long walks, plenty of treats (including a pasty – before the tax rise) and nearly having my tail stood on by the Mick. Who could ask for more?
I am now back in Somerset and looking forward to the spring. If you want to stay call me on 01278 732228 or send me an e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org
P.S. Ian wanted to mention Captain Pugwash, Master Bates, Seaman Stains and Roger the cabin boy, but I wouldn’t let him!