Some people say that the Grand National is just a lottery, but as I have just won £40 with Neptune Collonges I feel able to pass on a few tips.
Now, I’m not quite sure how this all works, but basically this is a running around a field game done by horses. In this field there are dirty great big fences wot the horses have to jump over. If the horse jumps over all the fences without the little man in his pyjamas falling off, then he can win, but the horse has to be the first horse to get to the finishing line. So far, so good.
To choose the horse that will win remember the following:
- Horses wot have run long races before tend to be better than horses wot haven’t. My horse hadn’t run the course before, but had watched videos of other horses run the race in his stable.
- Pick a horse wot has won some races this year. Mine hadn’t but it thought it could and being of a positive frame of mind helps.
- Get a horse wot is not too old or too young. Mine woz 11, wot is a good age for a horse to do running and stuff. Labradors tend to be a bit knackered by 11 so don’t bet on a Labrador in the Grand National.
- Don’t bet on a French horse. French horses wot lose are made into steaks or burgers.
- If the horse has those things over its eyes then they might not see wotz going on properly.
- If the jockey is fat then the horse will go slower. Have a good look at the jockey. If he has eaten too may McDonalds (see French comments above) then don’t bet on him.
- Handicap is important. If the horse is handicapped, like he has only got three legs or something, don’t bet on him (or if it is a girl horse, her).
- Grey horses go faster than brown ones.
- Get Jason from the butchers to pick out a bit of paper for you – that’s wot I did.
I shall have to wait until Monday to see how much I have won, but it is likely to be a lot for a Labrador – probably enough for a whole month’s worth of kibble! SMASHING.
Remember, if you want to get some tips on winning, come to see me at The Old Cider House, Quantocks, Quantock Hills, Somerset – Dog Friendly Bed and Breakfast