Barclays – It’s a Dog’s Life

Dear Ozy,

In view of the developments at Barclays Bank today should I sell my few Barclays shares and/or take my money out of the bank that I have deposited there,

I would appreciate your help

Menace from Sittingbourne

Dear Menace from Sittingbourne,

As a shareholder in and CEO of the Dogger Bank (unsettled, winds of change veering southward, becoming cyclonic. Outlook paw becoming very paw) I take a great interest in what other banks are doing and have been following the disastrous problems at Barclays (174p falling steadily, moving inexorably southerly, outlook stormy, occasionally very poor, Diamond and Agius moving in a westerly direction. Outlook: fine and possibly imprisonment).

I am a Banker. Trust Me.

Firstly I want to make it absolutely clear that I have nothing to do with the manipulation of the LIBRADOR (Labrador Inter Bone to Dog Offered Rate). This is the rate at which us canines loan biscuits/treats/chews to each other. The problems started in 2008 with the ‘kibble crunch’ due to Californian and Floridian banks lending poor dogs kibble to buy their kennels the so call ‘sub whine market’. Then some other people took this toxic kibble and put it into different bags and sold it to other people who didn’t know wot woz in the bags. When they finally opened to bags they found the kibble woz all mixed up and rubbish. So the banks stopped lending to each other and some small banks had to be taken over by the government (me and you in other words).

Wot Barclays did woz pretend they had more kibble then they really had and submitted really low LIBRADOR estimates- the banks are allowed to make up the loan rate as they go along – and this caused other people to have to pay more interest on their kennels and is very naughty.

Dog Diamond and Marcus Agius (wosn’t he in that Gladiator film? “My name is Marcus Agius. Chairman of the Barclays of the North. General of Felix the Cat”) pretended they didn’t know wot was going on but have both given up their jobs coz some MPs sed they should otherwise they’d get really told off – “Bad Marcus, Bad” or even worse a tap on the nose with a rolled up newspaper at the Treasury Select Committee.

So, to answer your question Menace of Sittingbourne, if I woz you I would sell your shares wen you can (probably best to wait a bit) and then invest it in my new K9 Jersey tax investment scheme.

Luv, Ozy

CEO of Dogger Bank (Jersey) Limited

If you want to invest with me then you’ll need to come to The Old Cider House, Dog Friendly Bed and Breakfast Accommodation, Quantocks, Quantock Hills, Somerset

REMEMBER – If you have any questions wot need answering, please use the ‘Leave a Comment’ button below or e-mail me.


About Blog Administrator

We write a number of blogs for different reasons. For: Law - contact Ian Pearson 07531 852 229 Dog - contact Ozy The Old Cider House - contact Lynne 01278 732228
This entry was posted in Barclays, Bob Diamond, Treasury Select Committee. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Barclays – It’s a Dog’s Life

  1. Sam says:

    Bice blog! Have a look at mine!

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