Guess wot, I’m in trouble again. I don’t know wot gets into me sometimes – although on this occasion it woz half a big bar of Cadbury’s Dairy Milk. Ian keeps a bar upstairs and has a square at night time with his triple espresso before going to bed (how he sleeps I will never know – but he doesn’t appear to have any problem). He obviously still thinks there’s wartime rationing and the bar of chocolate lasts weeks. Well, Ian and Lynne were downstairs droning on and on with guests, and I thort ‘I’ll just have one piece, like Ian‘ and would you know it, the whole bar had gone down my throat. I tried to hide the wrapper but it woz found by my bed. Damn!
Chocolate contains a chemical called theobromine wot is poisonous to dogs (and humans – although they would have to eat about 61 kilos of Dairy Milk to kill fifty percent of them!). So Ian woz frantically working out the theobromine in CDM and my weight and stuff – only to come to the conclusion that I woz unlikely to have done myself any harm (I could have told him that – it woz too nice to be poisonous). I reminded him that alcohol is poisonous as well and worked out how much it would take to kill him – but he sed a few pints of real ale a night woz good for you and it is too nice to be poisonous (I’m not sure this is quite correct!).
When I am not trying to kill myself I have been on holiday. Ian sed we were going to stay in a mobile home for a few days. ‘Mobile home‘ I thort, ‘I’d better get into Trailer Trash mode’. So I’ve been watching Jeremy Kyle in the mornings. This programme is rubbish with reely bad actors pretending to be stupid (they must be actors – aren’t they?). Whatever, I now know that wotever the problem is you have to carry out a DNA test. I’ve been doing this for years – the Dog – Nose – Arse test where you smell another’s dog bottom to see if you are related. If you are related then you mustn’t be too friendly with them – especially if they are boys as well.
Well I woz quite surprised that wen we got there there was no swearing or fighting and it woz reely quite nice. I met a very nice man in a pub called Ron and he didn’t abuse me. I woz allowed to go swimming and on long walks and had a good few days away from the stresses and strains of working in a small rural B&B in Somerset.
Now that my batteries are recharged I am ready to greet all new dog guests – which woz a good job as we had a journalist from Your Dog Magazine come and stay with us with Molly and Titch (small dogs as the name suggests). Hopefully we will have a gud article about us in the autumn – keep an eye out for it.
That’s enough for today. Remember, you can stay with me if you are not Trailer Trash, just give Lynne or Ian a call and book yourself in (or get your owners to do it for you).
Ozy the Labrador, The Old Cider House, Dog Friendly Accommodation, Somerset UK