I have just watched the first episode of Doctor Who. Who is your favourite Doctor and which monster is the scariest?
Jon from Cambridge
Dear Jon from Cambridge,
Doctor Who frightens me. As soon as the music comes on I either hide behind the sofa or put a cushion on my head. Therefore, I do not see much of it, but I do have some favourites.
My favourite Doctor is David Tennant. He isn’t as good as wen he woz in the Pet Shop Boys, but he woz quite funny (in a Scottish sort of way). The first doctor wot I can remember is Christopher Eckaslike (he woz from up North) and the present one is okay although looks a bit young to be driving a Tardis and fighting monsters and stuff. The girl wot travels with him is okay as well and her legs are nearly as thin as mine – although she can’t run as fast and always twists her ankle and has to be rescued cos she is a girl. Ian sez he can remember all the Doctors, even the ones wot were in black and white (are there any other colours?).
As for monsters, they are all scary. The worst ones are Cybermen. They are MENTAL. Wot they do is make you do wot they want. ‘Sit’, ‘ stay’, ‘roll over’, ‘take over the Universe’, all commands used regularly by Cybermen and those Cyberdogs are even worse. Lynne says we may be dog friendly but no more dogs wot wee acid and ruin the lawn please.
Daleks are nearly as bad. I used to think I woz safe because my bed woz upstairs, but now they can levitate, no dog can hide. The leader of the Daleks, Stavros, doesn’t frighten me cos his head is made from donner kebab and he can’t go very fast coz he has a mobility scooter. The Sontarans look suspiciously like Mr Potato Head and I am not frightened of vegetables. The Silence and Ood are at least quiet wen they’re killing people, and the Silurians taste like fish (which is funny coz I thort they’d taste like chicken). Sometimes Ian pretends to be a Weeping Angel and creeps up on me wen I’m not looking – that is frightening!
Ian often takes me out in his Citroën Tardis. Having sed this it’s a bit of backwards Tardis as it seems to be smaller on the inside than it looks on the outside – this is because I have to sit in the BOOT – because I am only a DOG and dogs aren’t allowed on the SEATS! If I ran the Universe things would be a lot different.
Wot really would be frightening would be if the BBC made Vet Who where The Vet fights imaginary alien animals like that lion in Essex.
If you want to come and watch Dr Who with me on a Saturday then give Ian or Lynne a call from any blue police box using the intergalactic dial code 01278 followed by 732228. Or you could e-mail them on firstname.lastname@example.org
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