I read in Ian’s paper that Scottish dogs will be given the opportunity to vote in a rufferendum to say whether they want to be a separate breed entirely. Some sort of deal has been done with Mr Fish of Scotland and that nice Mr Cameron (who sounds like he should be Scottish like Dr Finlay).
Ian has said that the two nations have agreed ‘Heads of Terms’ (Ian likes expressions like that – he’s always on about ‘boilerplate clauses’ and ‘agreements to agree’) and that in 2014 Scottish dogs can vote to stop English dogs from sniffing Scottish dogs’ bottoms.
Supposedly, the two national breeds have been rubbing along together since the Act of Unicorn in 1707 (and probably since 1603 when they shared the same Head Dog – James Rex). Before that, the Scottish dogs were pretty rubbish at doing anything; with the McDonalds and Campbells fighting (why they couldn’t just enjoy a burger and bowl of soup like everyone else I don’t know) and any number of Scottish ‘heros’ losing in battle like Dog Roy and Bonnie Prince Collie. However, now Mr Fish wants to have his own country and be King (like Idi Amin).
There woz some debate as to wot the question would be, but now it will be simple, “Do you want to a separate dog and break away from the United Barkdom”. This question will be decided by all Scottish dogs (mainly West Highland Terriers and Scotties) who are over the age of 12.75 months rather than 16.75 months being the normal age of voting consent. There will need to be some legislation and I will make sure this appears on my law4dogs.co.uk site in due course.
So, as those animals wot stand on their back legs on the TV would say – ‘simples’. However, because the two countries have been together for so long lots of institutions are the same. Wot will happen to the Army (the Scots are not very good at winning battles on their own) or the BBC (British Barking Corporation)? Who will get the North Seal Oil (like cod liver oil I believe) and how will the Scottish dogs pay back the money to bail out their banks (like the Royal Bark of Scotties)? Add to that the fact that a lot of Scotties are on benefit kibble and don’t make anything apart from whisky and haggis – both of which are bad for you in any quantity.
Don’t get me wrong, I like Scotland and have recently climbed up Ben Nevis (even though it woz -6°C and the hail hurt my fur), but I’m not sure it is a good idea for them to split.
If you an English or Scottish dog and would like to discuss the matter further, then come and see me at The Old Cider House where we can share a deep fried Mars Bar (with the chocolate taken off – coz that’s bad for dogs from wotever side of the border you come from).
Ozy will return in: SkyDog – 26 October 2012