I reely apologise for the delay in getting this blog out. Ian has been busy sacking people and I still can’t get my bark recognition software to work properly. But here is wot’s been happening for the past few weeks…
Firstly, it woz my birthday. I’m ten you know. That is reely old for a dog and according to Saturday’s Daily Telegraph I’m 75. Not that I act my age – mainly because I take after my owners. Little dogs live longer than big dogs and Labradors are sort of in the middle. I keep reely fit and don’t over indulge, keeping to the Government’s recommended 3-4 biscuit units a day. Ian misread the recommendations and has been trying to drink 34 beer units a day! I also saw in the article that one in ten cats have dementia. I’m pretty sure that 90% of cats have it as they are mad!
I had my birthday party in the Rose and Crown and Ian did a quiz all about dogs. He also made a special Labrador Lager and all my mates came and gave me chews and biscuits and stuff. In fact I got so much I am thinking of having another birthday soon.
I’m not sure about the Daily Telegraph, but they also had an article on scientists designing computers for dogs. Now I use my iPaw regularly for communicating with my mates – SnoutBook and Poodle+ and stuff like that, but soon we will be able to operate household appliances and communicate with our owners. Now I’m not sure why you need a computer to communicate with your owner when a simple “woof” (I’m hungry) or “woof” (Let me in) or “woof” (Let me out) usually suffices.
Supposedly, we will soon be living in ‘Smart Kennels’ with computers inside making everyday tasks like chewing up a newspaper or knocking off a tray of cups with your tail just a matter of hitting the return key and getting a machine to do it for you. Dogs will be able to raise an alarm and summon the emergency services by pushing a button, putting dogs like Lassie and Rin Tin Tin out of a job. These buttons will, no doubt, have a range of commands such as “What’s that Lassie, Young Bob’s fallen down the deserted mineshaft and broken his leg”. Ian, of course, is rubbing his hands (paws) thinking of all those dog redundancies.
Wotever, all this technology will probably make young dogs lazier and fatter and with the new Wii Ball Chasing game dogs can get all the exercise they need by staying indoors and pretending to chase the ball from the comfort of their own basket.
Finally, I see that there is a new Star Trek film out. I auditioned for the lead role but found that the use of the words ‘lead’ and ‘roll’ were nothing to do with walks and fox poo. I do like Spock because he has hair and ears like a Labrador.
Well, that’s it for this week. I am trying to get Ian to put my blog up the list of his priorities – but he says that writing my blog doesn’t pay as well as sacking people.
Don’t forget to come and see me at The Old Cider House, Dog Friendly B&B, Quantocks, Somerset
Ozy the Labrador