I know it’s Christmas because Ian keeps putting on that Mariah Carey CD wot hurts my ears and Classic FM keep playing the same music wot they did last year except that this year they have gone trendy with a bloke on a guitar playing ‘Fairytale of New York’ every ten minutes.
Well Christmas has come early, with my cousin, Barky Harvey, already here – Blimey, it’s like a Jane Austen novel with family coming for the ‘Season’ and talk of balls and Death Comes to Pemberley on the television.
I didn’t write a letter to Father Christmas this year, coz last year he woz RUBBISH. I asked for loads of stuff and all I got woz some chews and biscuits. Don’t get me wrong, I like chews and stuff, but the iBone 5 and iPaw would have brought me into the 21st Century and allowed me to do good blogs and stuff. I have had a bit of a sniff around the tree and found some presents that were for me – in fact I have managed to open one already (don’t tell anyone).
I think Menace is going to buy me a new lead as my old one is a bit tatty and I have asked for a new mat to put my bowl on as the current one is disgusting and I am worried about getting food poisoning every time I lick it, (just in case some of my kibble has escaped out of my bowl). Other than that it will be the same as last year – sleep, pub, brussel sprouts (Ian has put them on already so that they are properly cooked), walk, sleep. Lynne woz going to do a Nigella Christmas and has been crushing up Drontal tablets and putting them in £50 notes. However, she’s changed her mind and we’re now having a Gordon Ramsey Christmas with f’ing turkey and stuff.
Ian has made some reely nice Christmas beer wot he is taking down to the Rose and Crown so there will be plenty of visits down the pub I hope.
So, I hope you all have a reely good Christmas. Remember, if you are a dog you mustn’t eat chocolate or mince pies (unless it’s just the pastry) and if you are a human then be careful about drinking too much of Ian’s beer.
See you all in 2014.
The Old Cider House, Dog Friendly B&B, Quantock Hills, Somerset