It was my birthday yesterday – although it might as well have been any other day.
Ian and Lynne went out in the morning, leaving me to watch daytime television – wot a load of rubbish woz on. Homes under the Hammer, Bargain Hunter, This Morning, Come Dine with me. It woz all tripe. Radio Four wozn’t much better. Woman’s Hour, Book of the Week – phurrr!
Then wen Ian and Lynne came back they said they had a present for me – fantastic I thought, they hadn’t forgotten my birthday… and wen they opened the car wot woz in it? A load of chickens!!! Wot am I going to do with half a dozen young hens I thort? (dinner came to mind) – it woz pants!
Easter wozn’t much better. Ian made me play the Easter Bunny, delivering Cadbury Mini-Eggs to the guests at breakfast. This is a tradition wot I don’t reely mind coz I get loads of treats. However, I mustn’t have the chocolate coz these are very bad for dogs – having said that the toxicity levels for me would be 383 Mini-Eggs or 38 small packets!
To make matters worz, I have been to the vets this week. There woz nothing wrong with me but Ian thort I’d better have an MOT as we are walking the Coleridge Way in June. This is a long walk – about 100 miles to Lynton in Devon and back again. The vet with the hairy arms (the same one I sprayed with liquid poo when I had a cyst on my bottom) felt me all over (it woz like being in a room with a 1970s’ disc jockey) and said I woz reely fit and could go on the walk. I suppose it will be alright.
Well must go now – I think that there is a present for me reely – I hope it’s those hide chicken strips.
If you want to come and see me (and bring a birthday present) please do.