Offshore Biscuit Haven

After a great deal of pressure, I feel that I need to clear up the issue of whether I have taken advantage of an offshore company to avoid paying tax.

As you are aware, I have always been open and transparent about my tax affairs and even published my tax return a few years ago SEE BLOG HERE.

Offshore kibble account.

Me with the £20 I saved by putting my kibble offshore.

I have never heard of to Mossack Fonseca (sounds like a pedigree dog to me) and the only Bahamas I know of are those yellow fruit wot Ian sometimes gives to me as a treat.

I do however, keep my biscuits in the laundry room. This is for safe keeping and nothing to do with saving money – it’s just a biscuit efficient location.

Ian buys the biscuits out of taxed income from the pet shop and transfers them into a biscuit efficient vessel. This is purely to keep them dry and crisp and nothing to do with tax. The biscuits are then kept in the laundry room until they are required by me on walks and stuff. I ask Ian for the biscuits and he opens the biscuit efficient vessel and takes out a handful and puts them in his pocket. He then transfers these biscuits into his other pocket leaving a few to avoid incurring any Canine Gains Tax (CGT). The rest are declared to me as and when required. Any biscuits that are left are returned to the biscuit efficient vessel and accounted for by creating Bearer Bones.

Chews are however treated differently.  I operate a Flexible Chewing Structure whereby I get Ian to take the chews down the pub and then eat those treats supplied by the pub. My chews can then be returned to the laundry room and used again at a later date. This is a double entry system used by many dogs and whilst morally suspect I am a dog and have no morals.

I hope this has cleared things up.

Ozy – store your biscuits with me here at The Old Cider House and I won’t tell anyone!

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About Blog Administrator

We write a number of blogs for different reasons. For: Law - contact Ian Pearson 07531 852 229 Dog - contact Ozy The Old Cider House - contact Lynne 01278 732228
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